Salt and Vinegar
by HoratiosBabyMama
Summary: "Did you know Shio means salt in Japanese?" "Yes." "Did you know it's also a girls' name?" Slash, HatHawk.


**Thanks to Insane Gummi Bears for the idea! **

**888**

"Your aunt is having her baby girl soon and wants us to help pick out a name. It's family tradition. She picked your name so it's only fair."

Duncan sneered at the baby name book in his hands. Why'd he have to pick the name? Just cuz his mom had gotten a call to come into the station and his aunt had gone into early labor and needed the name like NOW…

Why couldn't his aunt pick out her own baby's name? Stupid tradition. Though he had to give his aunt props for picking such a cool name for him. Although he'd definitely prefer something like Bane or Stone or something else fear-inducing.

He flipped through the book boredly and ended up in the S'. He kinda liked the name Sasha…or maybe Sage? Nah, his aunt probably didn't want a kid named after a spice. Ha, how about Sierra? No way. He didn't need a reminder of that nut running around.

The punk looked through the S names, discarding most of them as soon as he saw them. Shannon? Yuck. Sharon? No. Shelby? Nooo. Shio?

His eyes stopped their lazy perusal, frozen on the last name. Oh no way…

Duncan grinned and instantly reached in his pocket for his phone. It was Spring Break and his boyfriend had gone home to see his family. This had forced Duncan to do the same since hanging out on a student-free campus hadn't sounded like much fun.

"What is the sound of one hand clapping? What is the weight of a single grain of sand? The answer is: Equal to my interest in the message you are about to leave. So make it short."

Duncan hung up, not leaving a message on Horatio's voicemail. He never had his phone on during vacations. He sighed, looks like he'd have to resort to calling his house. He looked at the book again and decided it was worth it.

"_Takanori residence, Oberon speaking,"_

"Hey man, its Duncan, your brother around?"

"_Yeah, he's out back, hang on."_

Duncan listened as Oberon set the phone down and went to find the eldest Takanori son.

Horatio's parents were both from Japan, they'd moved to Canada after they got married because of his father's work. His dad was a businessman and his mom was a professor. They both shared a love of literature, particularly Shakespeare. Which was apparent in their kids. Horatio was the eldest, next was his sister Cordelia, Oberon and Benedick were twins. The youngest was Viola. Duncan totally understood about big families though he had no siblings, just lots and lots of cousins.

"_Hey Duncan Donut, what's up?"_ his boyfriend answered in his usual lazy tone. See? That's why he needed a name like Bane. You couldn't make Bane cutesy.

"I was just looking up names for my aunt's baby and I found a hilarious one," he smirked into the phone as the unsuspecting Asian chuckled.

"_Oh yeah? Like Nimrod, Beardsley, Osbert?"_

"Did you know Shio means salt in Japanese?" Duncan could barely contain his mirth as it went quiet on the other end.

"_Yes I think I know my native tongue Dunk,"_ Horatio's voice was neutral, not giving Duncan any idea what he was thinking.

"Cool, did you know it's also a girl's name?" he smiled as Shio sighed, aggravated.

"_I knew this day would come. So what babe?"_

"Aww, did I hit a sore spot princess?"

"_Don't you dare call me that,"_ Shio muttered and Duncan briefly thought of Courtney before moving on.

"Why? Is the little girl gonna cry cuz the big bad bully teased her?"

"_Technically, my nickname is short for Horatio and should really be spelled T-i-o, but no one would pronounce that right and I'm not an uncle."_

Duncan's brow creased, he really hated it when the Asian went all genius on him. Then he remembered his Spanish and rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, but it's not spelled with a T, so I win. And I think my prize should you be bottoming for the rest of eternity. Since you're a girl and all," he grinned; he could just feel Shio's anger.

"_Um, yeah, as tempting as that sounds, I'd have to say no. Besides I know you'd miss having me inside you,"_ the Asian chuckled darkly and Duncan grimaced. Horatio was right but like he'd ever admit it.

"You girls' sure have interesting delusions,"

"_I'm hanging up now Duncan…" _

"Gotta go fix your make up then play dollies with Viola?"

"_Actually I have to go out and look for a new mature boyfriend."_

"That's not funny dude!"

"_Oh yes it is. I can just see your Grr face and it's hilarious_."

"No need to be so salty Shio," Duncan smirked and heard a sound on Shio's end that sounded like him smacking his head.

"…_That was just bad man."_

"Maybe for you and your girly humor. But for me, that was brilliant."

"_Ooo, that cute doctor next door is swimming in his pool. Maybe I'll join him."_

"Shut up babe."

"_I will as soon as you admit I'm manly."_

Duncan was tempted to tease his boyfriend some more but he really didn't want to fight and insulting Shio's manliness was apparently a big deal. Plus, he didn't want Shio to go on a sex strike again. That drought during World Tour had almost killed him. So he caved.

"Alright Hor, you are manly. Sometimes equal in manliness to me,"

"_I'll accept that only because I know that's as good as I'll get."_

"You know me so well," the punk smirked and Horatio chuckled.

"_Well, I do kinda sorta love you after all."_

"I kinda sorta love you too babe,"

"_Seeya after break then Dunk. Me and the twins are going to swim. Wow, Mark looks good in a speedo."_

"Yeah, seeya- hey!" Duncan started to protest but only heard the Asian's laughter before he hung up.

The punk listened to the dial tone for a moment before smirking. Shio was such a girl.

-:-

"Hey Aunt Jane, congrats on the new baby…Yeah, I got that name for you. How do you feel about Ophelia?"

888

Insane Gummi Bears gave me this idea and I have to say it's pretty awesome.

And if you don't get the name Ophelia, it's from Hamlet. The same play that Horatio is from.

Dang, there are so many references to past fics in this story. And one reference to a fanart. The one deemed Couples Night. About how Shio punished Duncan for quitting World Tour.

You know what's funny? While I was coming up with Shakespeare names, I realized there is a character named Duncan in Macbeth. So that proves they were meant for each other!

Reviews are love!


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